You Are Long Gone
by Psalm 136
Summary: The death of Carson Beckett didn't just affect those in the Pegasus galaxy there were those in the Milky Way, too. He was loved by many, but one in particular, his childhood friend. McKay angst, but centered around an OC.


**I NEEDED to write something about "Sunday", even though I haven't seen the episode. If this isn't any good, I blame it being 6:30 AM and the fact I haven't slept all night. This kept bothering me, so I had to write it.**

**Disclaimer: SGA is not mine.**

When Kelly Markson picked up her home telephone late one afternoon and heard the voice of Mrs. Beckett, she expected nothing more than a lovely conversation with a wonderful lady whose son she had dated once upon a time, and who was one of her best friends. Mrs. Beckett's words were almost indiscernible after she had broken the terrible news: Carson was dead.

She and Carson had been friends since they were ten years old and she had stolen his juice box at lunch. He had cried, and she had felt so bad, she gave the juice back, despite her reputation for being a lunch thief. From then on, they had been the best of friends. He laughed at her as she went through several phases in fashion, ranging from trying to appear seductive in mini skirts and tanktops and sport shorts and baggy tees. She snickered as he fell head-over-heels for the worst possible girls, and encouraged him with a soft smile on her face when he found someone actually worth dating in the mess that was secondary school. In turn, he had given her the confidence to ask Joshua Wishburn out on a date.

In their last year of secondary school, they finally caved to the statements that had followed them since they had met: "You two should date."

Unsurprisingly, they clicked. They spent twelve months together. He had been pricelessly devoted to her, and she couldn't look at him for a moment without melting into an adoring puddle. But fifteen days after their one-year anniversary, she broke up with him. Though it was on amicable terms, they lost contact after a month or so.

Years later, Kelly had looked at the calendar and realized it had been nearly ten years since she had last talked to her once-best friend. She had debated for ten minutes; should she call him? She forced herself to, and she had been pleasantly surprised.

Of course, Carson Beckett was still as adorable as he had ever been. He was possibly more attractive with his dark hair; he had finally cut it. He had liked to wear it slightly longer. They met for coffee, and talked about their lives. He told her excitedly about being a doctor and all the joys and wonders that came with it, and she, once he was occupied with eating his blueberry muffin, went on to talk about working as a music producer. They reconnected easily. It wasn't hard. Kelly had always loved him, on one level or another, and that kind of love didn't fade over time.

But now… he was dead? Kelly had put down the phone, quickly explaining to Mrs. Beckett she would be there in a few moments, and nearly tripped out the door as she tried to pull on her trainers and balance her keys and mobile phone. She pushed the speed limit, and reached the house in a few minutes.

Kelly, distraught and confused, didn't have time to wonder about the rental cars parked at the sidewalk, and she knocked on the door. The door opened and Mrs. Beckett embraced her warmly, though her tone was taut with grief and distress.

"Oh, and this is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, Dr. McKay, and Dr. Zelenka. They worked with Carson. Gentlemen, this is Kelly Markson." Mrs. Beckett explained as she went to prepare tea.

Kelly managed a small, strained smile for the three men. She took a deep breath, not trusting herself to speak. Thankfully, she didn't have to. Dr. McKay, who appeared to her grave and on the brink of allowing his grief to take over, took a step towards her.

"I'm… so sorry." He managed, meeting her eyes.

"Thank you, Dr. McKay. I'm sorry as well." She noted the Lt. Colonel's smart dress blues, and turned back to Dr. McKay. "I don't suppose I can know… how…" Her throat closed up and she couldn't continue.

"There was an explosion." He explained, though his eyes seemed to say there was much more heroism in the situation. "I'm really sorry… how did you know Carson, anyway?" He asked, attempting to make conversation to break the tense mood.

Kelly let out a sigh of relief at the change of conversation. She would definitely dwell on the facts and allow it all to seep in – _that her best friend was dead_ – later that night, but for now, numbness reigned. "We went to school together. We lost contact for a bit, but we reconnected. I hadn't seen him, you know, in the last couple years…" She couldn't help but smile and laugh slightly. She feared if she didn't laugh, she would break down in front of these three strangers. "I always knew he wasn't the type to just be okay with being a doctor. Of course, no matter how noble his job, he had to take it a little higher."

McKay seemed to relax at that comment, and added to it. "Yeah, that sounds like him."

Kelly got the strange feeling that he would have added more, if the pain wasn't still so near, because of the empty and awkward silence that followed his statement. Mrs. Beckett entered the room with tea, and they all settled into the chairs around the dining room. Carson's colleagues spoke of him, vaguely describing some of his feats in the last years, and for the most part, she and Mrs. Beckett remained silent. Words couldn't describe how much they missed the one and only Carson.

Several days later, the funeral took place. Though Carson was a civilian, there were several members of the United States military present, dressed in their finest to show respect for the fallen doctor. The Lt. Colonel, Dr. McKay and Dr. Zelenka helped to carry the casket, along with Carson's uncle and two of his cousins.

Kelly stood to the side and couldn't focus on the funeral or the eulogy being said by the town's preacher. Her sight was blurred by the constant flow of tears that trickled down her face. She had tried to hold them back, but her lips and chin finally quivered and she let them fall down. She stared off into the distance, imagining exactly what Carson would say. He was so predictable, but not in the sort of way that made him boring, but in the best way. He was predictable in the sense that he made his affection always known, and a person always knew how much they were loved by Carson.

"_Oh, don't look so down, love." _He would tell her, poking her sides. _"I know it hurts, but it'll all be alright in the end. I care about you. I always did and I always will. The pain will slowly ebb away. I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye."_

He always seemed to know exactly what to say when she was down or when they were verbally sparring. He _was_ always better at it than her. He made her laugh so hard that she could never offer him a beverage when he came to hang out at her place because she knew whatever they were drinking would probably be coming out of their noses sometime very soon.

Kelly desperately tried to wipe her tears away as Dr. McKay approached her.

"Are you… okay?" He asked awkwardly.

Kelly managed to compose herself quickly and she gave a weak shrug. She felt terribly frumpy in her black buttondown shirt and her skirt, and with all of her painful thoughts, that small fact didn't help her. "I suppose I will be." She sighed. "And you?"

"I miss him." He admitted quietly.

"Yeah." She exhaled. "Me too." She looked up at him. "I know you can't tell me much, but was Carson… did he…" She gave a slight growl. "I can't seem to finish any sentences."

"It's okay." He assured her. "He was amazing. I don't think I've ever seen a finer doctor or a more brilliant person. He had saved us all so many times with his skills."

Kelly couldn't help the weak smile that forced its way onto her face. "That sounds exactly like him. Carson was always so good at everything he did, it seemed like. And everything he wasn't good at, he was determined to get better." She found a strange amount of comfort in what Dr. McKay recalled about Carson.

Dr. McKay was silent for a few long moments. By that time, Colonel Sheppard had come to join them, and he did not say anything at all, and neither did Kelly feel words were necessary.

"McKay, we have to go." He finally said.

Dr. McKay nodded and turned to Kelly. "I'm very sorry for your loss, miss Markson."

She regarded him silently for a moment, and then tentatively gave him a brief hug. He returned it, and she gave him a somewhat forced smile. "Thank you for coming. And I'm sorry for your loss as well. Really, thank you. It helped." She then turned to the Colonel and gave him a friendly handshake. "I wish you both the best of luck, wherever you are. Thank you for coming."

Colonel Sheppard nodded, and then excused himself to round up the Czech scientist. Kelly stopped McKay before he left.

"Dr. McKay… Call me Kelly. I hope we could be friends. I think Carson would like that… or be terribly amused by the idea." She smiled genuinely at the idea.

"It's Rodney, actually." He corrected her gently and then nodded. "Yeah, he would probably laugh his **arse** off." He garnered a small laugh from that.

Kelly said goodbye once more, and then the three strangers left the funeral. The emptiness in the pit of her stomach hadn't been filled at all, though the presence of those three would comfort her, somehow, in the days that would follow. She would cry as she reread the love notes Carson had written to her years before, and the emails they sent back and forth. She would sob heartbrokenly as she looked over the pictures of the two of them, from their earliest years to only a couple years previous. She would spend many hours in the home of Mrs. Beckett, and the two would become inseparable.

Carson Beckett was gone, and nothing could change that. He was long gone, and he had seemed to have the most life of them all, the adorable Scot with the blue eyes. He would be more than missed. He would be mourned and grieved in two galaxies. That is more than most people.

But Carson Beckett was never "most people", was he?


End file.
